Chris Flux responds to the debate on ‘men being men again.’
A big question of our times that many ask is how ‘men can be men’ without being chauvanistic and homophobic bullies. I believe that simply telling men to be ‘like women’ won’t work. In fact ‘feminising men’ could even spark a retreat back to chauvinism. The answer is to neither raise men to hyper-macho brutes or emasculated wimps. It is to simply raise men to be good men.
All forms of bullying and oppression are signs of weakness, not strength. School bullies, corrupt businessmen, pimps and gang leaders are more cowardly than the guy who always gets bullied at school (who may actually be strong if he develops character and integrity through the experience).
A popular idea in modern social science is one of ‘assertiveness’. This means rejecting the urge to oppress and dominate, yet also standing your ground and communicating your own needs. An idea that has recently gained support in contemporary Christianity is that men are supposed to be Tender Warriors. It sees no conflict between being tough and being compassionate, between being a leader and serving others, between showing mercy and drawing a line, between showing humility and being respected, between being ‘the man’ and respecting the woman as ‘an equal’. Integrity is held as the highest of virtues. John Elderidge (author of ‘Wild at Heart’) believes that God purposes men with “an adventure to live, a battle to fight and a beauty to rescue”.
I believe there is a desire in the human heart for excitement, risk taking and challenge. Yet when those desires include joining gangs, taking drugs and abusing women in brothels, instead of fully satisfy those desires they instead leave a man feeling incomplete.
There are plenty of appropiate and good expressions of those desires: Mountaineering, playing sports, running a business, running a marathon for charity, challenging injustice, become a cop, writing books about things that matter, making love a woman you care about, mentoring young people, traveling the world, parachute jumps, inventing something new, and building orphanages for disadvantaged children. None of these things will hurt anyone (unless your parachute breaks) and yet they do a far better job of bringing a sense of achievement and completeness. This way ‘men can be men’ and everyone benefits.
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photo by USACE public affairs / flickr
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